you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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