I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
