wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize