I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
