could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
