No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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