does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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