Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So much rum. So many feels.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
