What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
