I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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