Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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