Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize