I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
not ubering you a puppy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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