Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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