my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
