You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize