i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
