Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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