so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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