I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
