i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
