Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
