She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
