Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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