I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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