Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
