last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize