I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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