Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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