Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
