And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
