I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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