Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you had me at cake vodka
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
