Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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