The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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