but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
