I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
