I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
