why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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