She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
