your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
