hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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