After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
