So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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