you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
