is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
