After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
