Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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