We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
