just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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