I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
