I accidentally had phone sex last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
