Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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