i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
