Can Purell be used as lube?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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