I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
