I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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