I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
