Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
